So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
