He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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