I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
