2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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