why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
