so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
