I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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