I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
