I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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