Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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