I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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