Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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