Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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