A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
