What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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