Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
