im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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