I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
