Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
