I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
