i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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