Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
