Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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