If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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