Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
