break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize