I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize