So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
