i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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