you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
