winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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