Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We had sex on a dog bed..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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