Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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