I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
