Kareoke will never be a sober sport
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
