who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My vagina just clenched in fear
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
