please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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