He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
