that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
