I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
