he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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