i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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