Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
