i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
