I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
