Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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