Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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