I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
