This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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