IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have aggressive nipples.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
