Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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