when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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