As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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