Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
