You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
