toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
