Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
