Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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