My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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