I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
